In the 1980's, Ted Dibiase was always trying to get the WWF Title. He had the money, the skills, and everything it took to get that belt, but he never could. And then, "The Million Dollar Man" came up with his most devious plan. He had Andre the Giant fight, and defeat, WWF World Champion Hulk Hogan. Once he was awarded the belt, he gave to Ted DiBiase. A dastardly move by a dastardly man. Of course, it didn't last long, we soon found out that an evil twin ref was used and there was a fast count, and the Million Dollar Man's plan was foiled.
And over twenty years later, the good guys won again. No matter how good Ted DiBiase's team was, (Chris Bosh is Virgil) Hulk Hogan prevailed. Like he always does, Hulk showed up in the end. The bad guys can try to beat him, physically or mentally, but Dirk wouldn't let his team or his fans (Mavamaniacs?) down. Fadeaways, free throws, spin move layups, and three pointers. It seemed like whatever the situation, Dirk has the answer.
Over a decade of 50 plus win seasons, coaches and players changed around him, but Dirk was a constant in Dallas. When they blew a series against the 8th Golden State Warriors a few years back, it seemed like Dirk's chance was 2006. A postseason marred by a referee scandal, a 2-0 series lead was blown, and that seemed like that's the last time we'd hear from the Mavs. The Lakers got better, much better, the Spurs wouldn't die, the Hornets showed flashes, as did the Suns and Nuggets. The Mavs seemed lost in the shuffle.
Then came the summer of 2010. A ton of star players could, and would move around. One player didn't move, Dirk. The Mavs were an older team, and a lot of people thought Dirk might leave to chase a ring, but he was too loyal to the team that took him 13 years earlier. When the playoffs came around, the Mavs looked like an also ran. The Lakers looked to three-peat in Phil's last hoorah, the Thunder were a sexy pick, and the Spurs had the best record in the league. The Celtics, Heat, and Bulls loomed in the Eastern Conference. But, in Hulk Hogan fashion, Dirk took his team to another level. No matter the odds, they just couldn't be stopped.
One day, I'll be writing about LeBron's championship, he's just too good to not have a title. Many times, he's the best player on the court. He's the most amazing physical force in the NBA since a young Shaq. If it wasn't this year, it could be next year, or the next. As long as he's healthy, any team with LeBron James in the lineup is a legit title contender. It didn't work out this year. Maybe next time, LeBron
Monday, June 13, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
The Rocky Awards
Since the Rocky franchise is my favorite movie franchise, its was just a matter of time for me to do an article about it. So here they are the Rocky Awards.
Worst Movie: Um. Really? Rocky 5
Best Song: One thing that is big is Rocky movies, the music. From the instrumentals, to the classic 80's rock songs. Of all the memorable songs in the series. I have to go with the Original Theme. Classic. Unmistakeable. And gives you hope.
Most Overrated: When I was playing intramural sports at OU we played Eye of the Tiger before everyone flag football game. We lost every one. It's so overdone and I just don't like it. It's super overrated.
Worst Fight: Rocky 5 versus Tommy Gunn. In the street, and that move just sucks.
Best Story: The original. Rocky was a Million to One story. It wasn't about winning. It was about going the distance and you can't quit on your dreams.
Best Action: Rocky 3. Clubber Lang times two AND a fight against Thunderlips? Great stuff. The first two were dramas, the next two were action movies.
Most Dated Movie: Rocky 4. I don't care that the original movie mentions the year 1976 and that is a theme of the movie. NOTHING is more dated than Rocky 4. Which adds to its charm.
Best Bad Guy: Clubber Lang. It's not even close. If you have Drago, Lang, Creed, and Gunn in front of you, the LAST guy you would want to fight is Lang. Mr. T was terrifying. He really would knock you into tomorrow.
Best Montage: Rocky 4. The entire movie is a montage.
Most Ridiculous Moment: Rocky 4. The entire movie is ridiculous.
Best Fight: The Original. You really think Rocky might win. He hurts Creed, and maybe he could do it. But he doesn't. Rocky 2 is a close second.
Best 80's Song: No Easy Way Out. If I'm driving at night, there is a good chance I reenact that scene.
Best Training Montage: Rocky 2. When he's running and runs with the kids. He flies up those stairs. Rocky 2 went from OK to amazing after Mick says, "Well what are we waiting for?"
Best Comedy: The fight with Thunderlips. It's a good time.
Best Side Character: Paulie. Mick is great and Creed is really good too, but Paulie is a loveable dirtbag. Hard to pull off.
Worst Character: Adrian. I wish Drago punched her instead of Apollo.
Lost Plot Item: In Rocky 2, Rocky is practically blind on one side, forcing him to fight Apollo right handed, yet this blindness is never talked about again even though Rocky fights like another 16 times.
Most Underrated: Rocky 2. People don't realize that its a really good movie. Yea, slow at first, but it's good. Really good.
No Homo Moment: The Beach Scene.
Best Movie: The first four are all great in their own way. Three is a great action movie. Four is such an
easily mindless entertaining movie. And two is right there. But the first is the best. It usually is.
Worst Movie: Um. Really? Rocky 5
Best Song: One thing that is big is Rocky movies, the music. From the instrumentals, to the classic 80's rock songs. Of all the memorable songs in the series. I have to go with the Original Theme. Classic. Unmistakeable. And gives you hope.
Most Overrated: When I was playing intramural sports at OU we played Eye of the Tiger before everyone flag football game. We lost every one. It's so overdone and I just don't like it. It's super overrated.
Worst Fight: Rocky 5 versus Tommy Gunn. In the street, and that move just sucks.
Best Story: The original. Rocky was a Million to One story. It wasn't about winning. It was about going the distance and you can't quit on your dreams.
Best Action: Rocky 3. Clubber Lang times two AND a fight against Thunderlips? Great stuff. The first two were dramas, the next two were action movies.
Most Dated Movie: Rocky 4. I don't care that the original movie mentions the year 1976 and that is a theme of the movie. NOTHING is more dated than Rocky 4. Which adds to its charm.
Best Bad Guy: Clubber Lang. It's not even close. If you have Drago, Lang, Creed, and Gunn in front of you, the LAST guy you would want to fight is Lang. Mr. T was terrifying. He really would knock you into tomorrow.
Best Montage: Rocky 4. The entire movie is a montage.
Most Ridiculous Moment: Rocky 4. The entire movie is ridiculous.
Best Fight: The Original. You really think Rocky might win. He hurts Creed, and maybe he could do it. But he doesn't. Rocky 2 is a close second.
Best 80's Song: No Easy Way Out. If I'm driving at night, there is a good chance I reenact that scene.
Best Training Montage: Rocky 2. When he's running and runs with the kids. He flies up those stairs. Rocky 2 went from OK to amazing after Mick says, "Well what are we waiting for?"
Best Comedy: The fight with Thunderlips. It's a good time.
Best Side Character: Paulie. Mick is great and Creed is really good too, but Paulie is a loveable dirtbag. Hard to pull off.
Worst Character: Adrian. I wish Drago punched her instead of Apollo.
Lost Plot Item: In Rocky 2, Rocky is practically blind on one side, forcing him to fight Apollo right handed, yet this blindness is never talked about again even though Rocky fights like another 16 times.
Most Underrated: Rocky 2. People don't realize that its a really good movie. Yea, slow at first, but it's good. Really good.
No Homo Moment: The Beach Scene.
Best Movie: The first four are all great in their own way. Three is a great action movie. Four is such an
easily mindless entertaining movie. And two is right there. But the first is the best. It usually is.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Hello America, it's me, the NBA.
I have a lot of friends that watch sports. We can talk for hours about them, debate topics, and make fun of each others teams. A lot of my friends don't watch the NBA. Somewhere down the line, something happened that turned them off. Here are a few examples.
These two teams have been doing everything to win these first four games. And while the big stars, Dirk and Dwyane especially, have been major factors, role players have been a story this series. Mario Chalmers and Deshawn Stevenson have hit some big threes to start or to end runs. Guys like Bosh and Jason Terry have had moments of greatness as well. We're still waiting on LeBron's big game, and it's coming.
Tonight at 9 is game 5 of the NBA Finals. And as far as I'm concerned, it's the biggest game of the series. For Dallas, winning at home means only needing one win in Miami, a place that has only one home playoff loss this year, For the Heat, it's a chance to break Dallas and know they have two chances to finish them off at home. Dirk said that this is their game 7 and he's right. The Dallas Mavericks shouldn't be in this situation. they should have been out already. But they are too tough, too gritty, and just won't die.
One guy can kill them. LeBron. There has been a ton of talk about LeBron's lack of heroics at the end of the game, including this LeBron James game 4 highlight reel. If LeBron wants to be taken more seriously, and not just as Wade's sidekick, he needs a big game. Tonight. This is the biggest game of the year and if he doesn't come out tonight with a killer instinct, then I don't know if he really has it.
Look, it's summer time. And unless you love CSI reruns, you need to be watching the NBA Finals tonight on ABC. The last three games have come down to the final shot. There is star power, pure basketball skill, and athleticism by the truckload. You want passion? You've got a veteran team looking at maybe their last shot at being a winner, and another team wanting to shut all their detractors up. This game is going to be huge. It should almost be on PPV. Don't tell the NBA I said that, though. Free is good.
I'll see you at 9.
- They whine and cry to the refs.
- The refs slow the game way down.
- It's all just one-on-one, not real basketball.
- The college game has more passion.
These two teams have been doing everything to win these first four games. And while the big stars, Dirk and Dwyane especially, have been major factors, role players have been a story this series. Mario Chalmers and Deshawn Stevenson have hit some big threes to start or to end runs. Guys like Bosh and Jason Terry have had moments of greatness as well. We're still waiting on LeBron's big game, and it's coming.
Tonight at 9 is game 5 of the NBA Finals. And as far as I'm concerned, it's the biggest game of the series. For Dallas, winning at home means only needing one win in Miami, a place that has only one home playoff loss this year, For the Heat, it's a chance to break Dallas and know they have two chances to finish them off at home. Dirk said that this is their game 7 and he's right. The Dallas Mavericks shouldn't be in this situation. they should have been out already. But they are too tough, too gritty, and just won't die.
One guy can kill them. LeBron. There has been a ton of talk about LeBron's lack of heroics at the end of the game, including this LeBron James game 4 highlight reel. If LeBron wants to be taken more seriously, and not just as Wade's sidekick, he needs a big game. Tonight. This is the biggest game of the year and if he doesn't come out tonight with a killer instinct, then I don't know if he really has it.
Look, it's summer time. And unless you love CSI reruns, you need to be watching the NBA Finals tonight on ABC. The last three games have come down to the final shot. There is star power, pure basketball skill, and athleticism by the truckload. You want passion? You've got a veteran team looking at maybe their last shot at being a winner, and another team wanting to shut all their detractors up. This game is going to be huge. It should almost be on PPV. Don't tell the NBA I said that, though. Free is good.
I'll see you at 9.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
MLB Draft, It's a Real Thing
In case you didn't notice, the MLB Draft started yesterday. The Cincinnati Reds took a pitcher by the name of Robert (don't call me Louis) Stephenson. Apparently, he's out of high school. He is also right handed. He can throw up to 97 miles per hour. He has a curveball. And a change up. Zzzzzz... Let me know when you wake up.
There are a lot of things that work against the MLB Draft. It's in the middle of the season, it doesn't include international players, these guys might not see the Majors for at least a season or two. By the time he gets drafted, the buzz (if there was one) is probably gone by anyone not a hardcore fan.With so much working against the draft, Major League Baseball can't do things to make it worse.
Mo Egger (of ESPN 1530 fame) has a great idea of having the draft the day after the All-Star Game. Which makes sense, because its the only day in the US that none of the four major sports are in action. Basically, a perfect oppurtunity for them to capitalize on sports boredom. Also, with no sports being on, ESPN or some other sports network might pick it up for America to watch.
I have a few more ideas, can we get mock drafts? Big boards? A combine? A guy like Mel Kiper, Jr with too much hair gel and an "I'm way smarter than the other guy I'm arguing with" aura? We care about football because if we watch sports TV enough, we feel like we learn who the top 5 weak side linebackers and which running back could be a Day 2 sleeper. Knowledge equals intrest, intrest equals demand, demand equals TV time, and TV time equals money. See how that works?
Another thing that would help would be ease of info. If you don't want talking heads, give me numbers. Give me stats and ratings on things like curveballs or fielding range. Why should I have to pay ESPN to find out any in depth info? 40 times and bench reps are all over when it comes to football.
MLB needs to take this seriously if they want us to take it seriously. Draft coverage was at the bottom of the page. Their headline story was about the Red Sox and Yankees, two things that are more worn out than (insert joke here). I want to care about Robert Stephenson, and in time, maybe I will. But the draft is supposed to rejuvenate hope in your team. That a certain prospect will take your team to the next level, or become a franchise player. If the Reds didn't draft a guy named after an author, I never would remember him. Maybe later they'll take shortshop Ralph Emerson.
There are a lot of things that work against the MLB Draft. It's in the middle of the season, it doesn't include international players, these guys might not see the Majors for at least a season or two. By the time he gets drafted, the buzz (if there was one) is probably gone by anyone not a hardcore fan.With so much working against the draft, Major League Baseball can't do things to make it worse.
Mo Egger (of ESPN 1530 fame) has a great idea of having the draft the day after the All-Star Game. Which makes sense, because its the only day in the US that none of the four major sports are in action. Basically, a perfect oppurtunity for them to capitalize on sports boredom. Also, with no sports being on, ESPN or some other sports network might pick it up for America to watch.
I have a few more ideas, can we get mock drafts? Big boards? A combine? A guy like Mel Kiper, Jr with too much hair gel and an "I'm way smarter than the other guy I'm arguing with" aura? We care about football because if we watch sports TV enough, we feel like we learn who the top 5 weak side linebackers and which running back could be a Day 2 sleeper. Knowledge equals intrest, intrest equals demand, demand equals TV time, and TV time equals money. See how that works?
Another thing that would help would be ease of info. If you don't want talking heads, give me numbers. Give me stats and ratings on things like curveballs or fielding range. Why should I have to pay ESPN to find out any in depth info? 40 times and bench reps are all over when it comes to football.
MLB needs to take this seriously if they want us to take it seriously. Draft coverage was at the bottom of the page. Their headline story was about the Red Sox and Yankees, two things that are more worn out than (insert joke here). I want to care about Robert Stephenson, and in time, maybe I will. But the draft is supposed to rejuvenate hope in your team. That a certain prospect will take your team to the next level, or become a franchise player. If the Reds didn't draft a guy named after an author, I never would remember him. Maybe later they'll take shortshop Ralph Emerson.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Jerome-mania
I want to start off by saying that I have nothing against Jerome Simpson as a person. In fact, you have to pull for a guy that goes to a school like Coastal Carolina and instead of getting money for his jersey, he got money by delivering pizzas. To make it to the NFL, drafted in the 2nd round no less, takes talent and hard work.
Having said that, he's been in the league for 3 years, and up until this season, he had one catch for two yards. In 2010, he "exploded" for 20 catches, 277 yards and 3 TDs. Not bad, though in 2009, Brandon Marshall had 21 catches for 200 yards and 2 scores... in one game. In his defense, Jerome basically did all of his magic in the last few games of the season, but the question needs asked, WHAT TOOK SO #$%& LONG?
We've been keeping this guy on the roster, while letting other WRs go and bringing in tons of new faces. drafting seven wideouts, two tight ends, and bringing in TO and Antonio Bryant since drafting Jerome Simpson. The Bengals have desperatly been looking for more weapons and a future successor to Chad Ochocinco as the number one wideout.
Side Note: Not that it matters, but if the Bengals had drafted small size DeSean Jackson over small school Jerome Simpson, we would have our big play guy. And if we would have made a better offer to Mike Vick, we wouldn't be discussing Carson at all. Of course, two years ago I would have thought bringing in Vick would have been dumb. And maybe Chad's antics paired with DeSean's unpredictability would have been volitile. Hindsight 20/20 I guess.
Ok, so why all the Jersome Simpson talk? Well, certain retailers are now carrying Jerome Simpson jerseys and having him do autograph signings. Really? Twenty-one catches in three seasons makes you marketable? After the team you play for drafted a guy at the same position in the top 5 of the draft? All I'm saying is maybe we should cool off Jerome-mania.
And I'll say it right here, if Jerome Simpson has any of the following, 10 TDs in a season, 1,000 yards in a season, or 100 catches in a season, I will wear a Jerome Simpson jersey for an entire week. And if he makes a Pro Bowl, I will hand write an apology for this article and deliver it in person. And if Jerome Simpson makes the Hall of Fame, I will legally rename myself "Jersome Simpson's Number One Fan".
Having said that, he's been in the league for 3 years, and up until this season, he had one catch for two yards. In 2010, he "exploded" for 20 catches, 277 yards and 3 TDs. Not bad, though in 2009, Brandon Marshall had 21 catches for 200 yards and 2 scores... in one game. In his defense, Jerome basically did all of his magic in the last few games of the season, but the question needs asked, WHAT TOOK SO #$%& LONG?
We've been keeping this guy on the roster, while letting other WRs go and bringing in tons of new faces. drafting seven wideouts, two tight ends, and bringing in TO and Antonio Bryant since drafting Jerome Simpson. The Bengals have desperatly been looking for more weapons and a future successor to Chad Ochocinco as the number one wideout.
Side Note: Not that it matters, but if the Bengals had drafted small size DeSean Jackson over small school Jerome Simpson, we would have our big play guy. And if we would have made a better offer to Mike Vick, we wouldn't be discussing Carson at all. Of course, two years ago I would have thought bringing in Vick would have been dumb. And maybe Chad's antics paired with DeSean's unpredictability would have been volitile. Hindsight 20/20 I guess.
Ok, so why all the Jersome Simpson talk? Well, certain retailers are now carrying Jerome Simpson jerseys and having him do autograph signings. Really? Twenty-one catches in three seasons makes you marketable? After the team you play for drafted a guy at the same position in the top 5 of the draft? All I'm saying is maybe we should cool off Jerome-mania.
And I'll say it right here, if Jerome Simpson has any of the following, 10 TDs in a season, 1,000 yards in a season, or 100 catches in a season, I will wear a Jerome Simpson jersey for an entire week. And if he makes a Pro Bowl, I will hand write an apology for this article and deliver it in person. And if Jerome Simpson makes the Hall of Fame, I will legally rename myself "Jersome Simpson's Number One Fan".
Friday, June 3, 2011
Movie Mad Libs (There be spoilers, yo!)
Yesterday, four people, including me watched "The Hangover 2" at AMC Newport. (best theatre in Cincinnati, btw) Now when I watch a movie, things I look for are entertainment, special scenes/moments, pacing, and story. Maybe not in THAT order every time, but it's big for me.
"The Hangover 2" or TH2 as it'll be called from now on, was entertaining, had scenes that will unfortunately stick with me for a while, and didn't drag on too much. A lot happened in 104 minutes. There was a problem with it, though. As entertaining and funny as it was, I'd seen it all before.
TH2 was a carbon copy of the original. There is no way they actually wrote a 2nd script. I think they watched the first movie and said, we can't have a baby, let's have a monkey! We surprised everyone with Mr. Chow jumping out of a car, so let's have him jump out of an ice box! I couldn't find myself enjoying the movie, as I was thinking of gags from the first movie that were going to happen in this movie.
In the honor of the Movie Mad Libs, TH2 was, I thought I would go ahead and make TH3:
Two years after the events in Bangkok, the gang is going to Alan's wedding. Alan, a big fan of parties, talks the guys into going to Tijuana. When they wake up the next day, Alan's friend Carlos is missing and they must retrace their steps to find him. Instead of a baby or monkey, the guys are in charge of a baby chicken. Mr. Chow, who escaped Interpol and is hiding out in Mexico gets involved when the group has to make a trade with a drug cartel for their friend. Mike Tyson makes an appearance at this point, jumping out of a trash can with Uzis spraying bullets "Dead Presidents" style. Instead of their friend, Carlos, they get another guy with the same name. During their travels Stu gets his tongue pierced and also tries to have relations with a donkey. Alan admits that he gave the rest of the group drugs, much to Stu's chagrin. Right before the wedding is called off, they find their friend in a place that's easy and the story wraps up quickly.
Did I miss anything?
"The Hangover 2" or TH2 as it'll be called from now on, was entertaining, had scenes that will unfortunately stick with me for a while, and didn't drag on too much. A lot happened in 104 minutes. There was a problem with it, though. As entertaining and funny as it was, I'd seen it all before.
TH2 was a carbon copy of the original. There is no way they actually wrote a 2nd script. I think they watched the first movie and said, we can't have a baby, let's have a monkey! We surprised everyone with Mr. Chow jumping out of a car, so let's have him jump out of an ice box! I couldn't find myself enjoying the movie, as I was thinking of gags from the first movie that were going to happen in this movie.
In the honor of the Movie Mad Libs, TH2 was, I thought I would go ahead and make TH3:
Two years after the events in Bangkok, the gang is going to Alan's wedding. Alan, a big fan of parties, talks the guys into going to Tijuana. When they wake up the next day, Alan's friend Carlos is missing and they must retrace their steps to find him. Instead of a baby or monkey, the guys are in charge of a baby chicken. Mr. Chow, who escaped Interpol and is hiding out in Mexico gets involved when the group has to make a trade with a drug cartel for their friend. Mike Tyson makes an appearance at this point, jumping out of a trash can with Uzis spraying bullets "Dead Presidents" style. Instead of their friend, Carlos, they get another guy with the same name. During their travels Stu gets his tongue pierced and also tries to have relations with a donkey. Alan admits that he gave the rest of the group drugs, much to Stu's chagrin. Right before the wedding is called off, they find their friend in a place that's easy and the story wraps up quickly.
Did I miss anything?
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Randy's Random Rants
David Robinson, Rik Smits, Hakeem Olajuwon, Patrick Ewing, Dikembe Mutumbo, Alonzo Mourning, and now Shaq. When I was a kid, it seemed like nearly every team had a big time center. And of all of them, Shaq was the biggest. He was literally larger than life. You could youtube Shaq and find tons of videos. He was a physical monster, and the way the sport has evolved, I don't know if we'll ever see anything like him again.
If you like sports, (and judging by you reading this, you do!) you should check out the NHL Stanley Cup Finals. Last night's 1-0 contest between the Canucks and Bruins was filled with action, drama, and biting! Game 2 is Saturday night on NBC and I believe you are doing your inner sports fan a disservice by not checking it out.
Other quick notes:
Terrelle Pryor's driving privileges in Ohio have been suspended. Isn't it a little late for that? He's already caused enough trouble with cars.
The NFL and Players Association had a secret meeting in Chicago. It was so secret, that even my lowly blog is reporting it happened. Let's just get this over with.
Steve Spurrier floats the idea of paying players. "It worked at Florida," he said.
Lance Armstrong wants an apology from 60 Minutes for their story on Lance taking performance enhancing drugs. I am still waiting for the "Thank You" note from Lance for defending him on my blog. So if you see him, let him know I'm waiting.
I got a decent amount of blog hits for my (the) Ohio State University story. No death threats. I'll try harder next time.
I'm going to watch "The Hangover: Part 2" later today. Full report tomorrow. Why review a movie before it makes over 100 million dollars in a weekend? Truth is, I got a lot of free time during the week, so I usually check out a movie midweek. If you want me to review a movie, give me 14 dollars and I'll bang it out for you.
If you like sports, (and judging by you reading this, you do!) you should check out the NHL Stanley Cup Finals. Last night's 1-0 contest between the Canucks and Bruins was filled with action, drama, and biting! Game 2 is Saturday night on NBC and I believe you are doing your inner sports fan a disservice by not checking it out.
Other quick notes:
Terrelle Pryor's driving privileges in Ohio have been suspended. Isn't it a little late for that? He's already caused enough trouble with cars.
The NFL and Players Association had a secret meeting in Chicago. It was so secret, that even my lowly blog is reporting it happened. Let's just get this over with.
Steve Spurrier floats the idea of paying players. "It worked at Florida," he said.
Lance Armstrong wants an apology from 60 Minutes for their story on Lance taking performance enhancing drugs. I am still waiting for the "Thank You" note from Lance for defending him on my blog. So if you see him, let him know I'm waiting.
I got a decent amount of blog hits for my (the) Ohio State University story. No death threats. I'll try harder next time.
I'm going to watch "The Hangover: Part 2" later today. Full report tomorrow. Why review a movie before it makes over 100 million dollars in a weekend? Truth is, I got a lot of free time during the week, so I usually check out a movie midweek. If you want me to review a movie, give me 14 dollars and I'll bang it out for you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)